Oh My Beloved Health Insurance Where Art Thou? :(

And here I am again. At the hospital. It's become such a usual habit now. Sometimes it feels like a 2nd home, sometimes it feels like jail. My sister is being treated for fever and with her leukemia you can never be too sure. I've quickly become the person to stay over with her, and go to the appointments with since I'm currently quite free.  

I'm still looking for a job but unfortunately with not enough fervor as I would like to search for it with. I just don't have the energy. Each application takes so long, but I'm getting there. Slowly but surely. I have just had a lot of issues on my plate lately. Namely my lack of health insurance. My Medicaid is over since I'm 22 and I don't have a job, therefore I am pretty much screwed. I tried to get Medicaid again but apparently if you collect unemployment, and they pay more than minimum, you are no longer eligible. I only applied for unemployment because the Medicaid office told me I had to receive it in order to get Medicaid, and now I can't even receive health insurance. Does that make any sense? My 2 teeth have been bothering me so it was of utmost importance to get health insurance. My search for it resulted in all dead ends so I ended up just paying for it. So far I paid $85 for only an X-ray. $90 for an extraction and soon I will pay another $120 for a cavity. $300 altogether. That's crazy. 

REJECTED, BUT RELIEVED

Got rejected from MSW again and you know what? I was kinda glad. Actually no, it hurts my pride to get rejected again especially since they said that everything was perfect. I was glad about the rejection though because recently I've been thinking that maybe I don't want to do social work as a career. I've researched and researched and honestly for me at this point in my life I don't want to invest so much time in something that's not so secure and comes with a lot of emotional baggage, not to mention the low pay as well. I was prepared for all of that though but after gaining more experience in education this seems to fit my goals at the moment. I can't honestly say that I have a passion for it, but I do like it. How many people actually know what they have a passion for? I envy those that truly have a passion for what they're doing. I probably just need more experience before I'll know. Ironically, now that I've decided not to continue in social work I'm receiving more opportunities in it. Weird, right? 

3 JOB ACCEPTANCES...WHAT NOW?

I should just stop apologizing for not updating this blog. I don't even know why I delude myself into thinking that I can update periodically, what has happened to my diaries is now and has been happening to my blog. Well let me update you. I stopped working as an Assistant Guidance Counselor around June of 2013. It is now April 2014. On January 2nd I started my internship at the International Institute working within the refugee services department. I was just so sick of staying home, and I figured at least this will give me some experience into my field, plus they gave me free tokens for the bus on the days I work. Score. Btw did I mention that I have a car now? Hecks to the yeah! I stopped taking the bus about 2 weeks ago. I just can't get myself to wake up early and wait for the bus anymore, plus my internship is relatively close so I'm not wasting THAT much gas.

Anyways, I have loved this internship but man oh man was it exhausting. Other than filing and paperwork I had to escort new refugees to different locations such as the Social Security Office or the Hospital with the bus. This is so they can learn how to use public transportation and become more independent. Of course with my luck I started this in the coldest days of winter. I was freezing everyday but cliche as it sounds, it was worth it. I can still vividly remember the times an Iraqi refugee insisted I eat lunch with him and I soon learned after of his loneliness coming to this cold state with no family. The time I had to explain with various visual cues on how to take a feces sample for a burmese grandmother (that was a trip lol ) and the many times I took families to places where they depended wholly upon me, and I truly realized how many things I took for granted.

This internship also turned out to be very helpful because when I did get called in for interviews I was able to talk about my experiences there since it is so closely related to the fields I applied to. I was also able to use my Case Manager as a source of recommendation. Currently I'm facing an issue that I cannot believe I'm facing again. I have been accepted to 2 per diem jobs and am being considered for a full time position as well. WHY is this happening again? I did not receive anything for MONTHS and then in 2 weeks I've been considered for 3 positions and they're all great. This also happened to me last year. As soon as I was accepted as an Assistant Guidance Counselor I was accepted to another full time position 1 week later and I probably would've still been there if I had accepted, the pay was the same as well. It was my fault tho, I did not realize I accepted a non renewing school year contract. Oh well bygones be bygones, I still had a great time experience working at the school. I basically accepted both per diems and I'm hoping they don't clash when they call me in. I'll fill you in the rest later toodles :)

FINALLY GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE!! CUE THE EXPENSIVE CAR COSTS

Guesss whatttt?!!! I finally have my drivers license! Yay me :D It only took forever but I have it. I finally finally have it :') My friend and I had a competition on who would get theirs first, and lets just say I didn't win. Shh don't tell anyone but that was my 3rd road test. I know, the shame. The 1st road tests failure was not my fault my tester was just a big scaredy cat and almost died with the test taker before mine so he was afraid of every little thing when I was taking it. The second time I admit was my fault. Out of all times, the street lights just had to malfunction that day and I kept forgetting to treat it like a stop sign because (a) I've never experienced that before, and (b) since it was off my brain just did not register to do anything about it. Plus it was a super quiet not busy street so there were no cars for me to be cautious of, I failed :( My 3rd and final try was so much easier than I expected. I wish someone could've recorded the look of joy on my face when she said I passed, woo I was so excited. I really started to think driving was just not in my cards. I was determined to get my drivers license before the end of 2013 and on December 30, 2013 after 3 road tests, 1 permit renewal, and 3 five hour courses later I finally got my license :D Needless to say, I was so ready to drive my new car with my brand new license,  and then BAM a crazy snowy winter arrived and my car has since been hibernating in the garage :/

My brothers induction ceremony speech when I finally bought my car "Welcome to the car world where everything is more expensive". OMG, the tiniest repairs cost so dang much!! My car is very well maintained but goodness gracious the costs for the most basic of stuff is always near a $100. Maybe I should've just stuck with the bus :/ Stupid plates, stupid insurance, stupid inspection, stupid gas bye bye precious money. Wanna know something funny? I scratched my flawless car on 2 sides within 2 weeks of buying it. *cue sexist women driver jokes* To be fair they both occurred while I was still practicing for the road test. The only bright side of it is that I owned the car, so no one can reprimand me about it. Thank Goodness. So if you see a cute little red hyundai elantra with a long scratch on either side wave hi, its me :)

GRAD SCHOOL REJECTION & FRIENDS GRADUATING

I was rejected from Graduate school 2 days ago :(  Mind you I only applied to 1 school but it still stings. There is only 1 grad school in my year that offers my program and I was unsure if my parents would let me go out of my city so I didn't even bother. Honestly, I knew that I didn't have a great chance so I just applied to the one I really wanted to go to. Coincidentally, the blow wasn't as tragic as I believed it would be. Mainly because I believe that God has a plan, and there must be something better out there for me. But until I figure out what that is, I'm stuck. I currently work at a school but my contract is over in 2 weeks on June 25th. Gotta go job searching again. In a way this is a blessing because I get to experience something else, hopefully something closer to what I really want to do and maybe I might actually figure what it IS that I would really like to do. Hopefully with more experience, the next time I apply to grad school I'll have a better shot and this time I'll apply to more than 1.

I've already been out of school for almost a year, and I'm not that much closer to figuring anything out. Thankfully, I have no loans I have to pay off so thats a huge stress relief. I've saved a little bit from this job so I can now afford a used but decent car, but remember those lessons? Well my driving instructor sucked, so I stopped after 1 and as usual have procrastinated til now. My brother told me a few days ago that in return of all the money he owed me, he'll teach me to drive. Thats great, since I'm pretty sure it would've taken him FOREVER to pay me back a measly $400, its been 2 years and he's always had a job -_-

Ahh what to do? what to do? oh why have I still not figured anything?? Anyways, til I do figure it out I'm enjoying my life, hangin out with my friends, my sister is getting better and we're going to London next month. My friends are truly amazing! They will never realize how much it meant to me that even after we got seperated (30 min drive but still) they would randomly come and pick me up just so they could hang out with me. They would rent a car (zip car) or when on of us FINALLY bought a car, they would just come and kidnap me lol. We're all getting seperated now, the friends you make at college will eventually go on to have their own lives and you just have to find a way to connect. I just know that these are some of the friends I'll have for a lifetime. Dang it! Why are some of my closest friends international??

APPLYING FOR MASTERS PROGRAM = STRESS

I scheduled my road test last Monday for next Monday. I'm stressed. One thing about me is that I'm never completely stressed out all over ever, however when I do get stressed for short periods of time, I am sta-ressed!! I think that I must wear out quite easily. Its probably because I tend to get obsessed easily and am a semi-perfectionist so I tend to focus on one thing too much sometimes. ANYWAYS, I don't know how to drive. I took 1 lesson 4 years ago and that was it. The driving school is trying to get me to take 2 lessons in 1 day, I dont know if I should do that or space them out. The main stressor however is that I might need to leave work an hour or 2 earlier just to take these lessons, my boss is pretty lenient but I don't know. Also, I scheduled my road test for another town because I heard it might be easier but how am I supposed to get there on time? Hopefully, my brother can drop me, plus he's planning on getting his friends car for me to use because his inspection expired. But what if he can't ? Should I just go to my towns one which is only 10 minutes away? but what if I fail?? arghhhh!!! I'll figure it out.... :/

My application for the MSW is due in 10 days. I still haven't gotten any recommendations back and I still need to get my editted personal statement back from the professor that told me it would be better if I got a recommendation from a PHD professor....dude I just need a recommendation, but kindly he is helping me edit my essay :) My masters track is another GIGANTIC stress in itself. 1st my gpa is horrendous, 2nd my recommendation letters are not from my "major" professors, 3rd I have no idea whats going on with my statement, 4th I don't even know in which track of Social Work I want to focus on because its such a diverse field, 5th alot of the people that are applying are older and have TONS of experience..and me, well you know my story. 6th my application is still incomplete because my college guidance counselor is quite nice,but doesn't seem to understand very basic questions, but I'm still grateful that she is helping me at all. 7th my financial aid application is still undone because i dont know if I should apply now even though I haven't gotten accepted yet. 8th my principal (boss) asks me all the time about how my application is going & is really on my case..i dont really know why. 9th I really need to get into a masters program, how else am I supposed to get a serious job? 10th this will help me delay marriage proposals... oh my goodness I have 10 reasons... stressssssssss -_-  & needs to be completed w/n a week...more streeeesssssssssss -_____-

NO LONGER A BROKEDA BROKE

I have a job!!! woohooo!! After months of endless job applications I was called back for a tutor position. Yes, a position pretty much unrelated to my degree. After a few weeks I started to apply for everything and anything I would qualify for. Reason? Money. I was completely broke and I had bills to pay. Pretty good incentive I must say. Needless to say, I was pretty much desperate. I even applied to various cashier positions, but not one called me back. I have a Bachelors degree from the best University in the city, what the heck?? On second thought, maybe I might have if I had a consistent phone number..whoops.

At some point I started to doubt myself, and my skills. I knew what I could bring but I had no way to showcase it. Since I am so awesome, why wasn't I getting called back? Was it my background check? I don't have a criminal background, but I did get fired once a long time ago for being absent 3 times in half a year, however my managers and I had a great working relationship so I believe they wouldn't say anything detrimental.  After which, I successfully held 2 jobs, which were a better consideration of my skills.

Hmm..was it because I was being profiled? I don't like to think so though I'm sure it has happened. I've seen the looks on faces when I go to apply for say a store or restaurant. Mind you, I'm not extremely beautiful but I'm not ugly either, I guess you could call me 'cute' ( short & skinny :/) I don't look like a bum, far from it actually, and I know for sure that I come out as being extremely nice. So what is it? Its the scarf. I know it and they know it, but no one brings it up because its bad manners. I have noticed that it is only the "lower level" jobs that pay much consideration into it, the higher level jobs look more into the skills and a few have called me from that. Interestingly however that's when I had removed some of the more 'controversial' aspects from my resume such as the fact that I was the editor in chief of a magazine  by the Muslim student association or that I was the president of the Bangladeshi student association. So much for all the work I had put into those, you would think that they would be interested in my leadership skills, but alas that is not to be.

ANYWAYS back to my current job. So when I had fallen into the pits of joblessness, I received an email to be a tutor at a charter school, I was basically grasping at straws by then so I went. I must have been quite impressive because after they met me they asked if I wanted to be a full time teachers aid. Umm yeah! full time?? and you're gonna pay me? of course! I received a call before winter break, and after the break, I was hired. Here's where it gets interesting. When I go in the first day they ask me a few questions about my degree and bada bing bada boom I'm offered an Assistant Guidance Counselor position. Needless to say I was blown. ahhh what did you say? please repeat. They explained that since I wanted to be a Social Worker this position would be better related to my career aspirations, and if I was interested. It was as if I was hearing the harps in heaven and the sunlight was poring into the room in beautiful translucent streams. I agreed instantly. It was perfect and although it was an assistant position it was still much more than I expected, and when they offered me my salary (which was considerably higher than a normal teachers aid position) I knew that I was blessed. I now have my own office (which I share w/ the senior Guidance Counselor) and basically do everything they do. It seems more like an internship, than as an assistant-ship since I have more responsibilities. But dang do I have a lot of free time, its amazing. But when I get busy, its HECTIC. Thank god I'm a fast learner, otherwise I really would have had a hard time. I thank god everyday I finally found a job, and a good one with that.

PS: Since I got hired, I got 2 call backs in 2 weeks from other jobs I had applied to..more related to my major. Wth? Where were they when I was jobless? Oh well, I know I got a good deal so I'm staying here and loving it. Til next time :)